Hack For More

WEEK 18: 07/15/04

Today was long and exhausting, and we almost didn't game, but in the end: gaming! This owes more to the fact that Erich is a much better man than I, and didn't murder me for unconscionable rudeness early on in the evening. After many, many sidetracks, we got back to where we were, the dreaded Plane of the Apes.

Somewhere over the weekend, I had realized that this idea was horribly, dreadfully lame. I haven't even SEEN the original movies (or the remake), so there was no way I could pull this off well. Plus, I had no stats for apes, or at least, no stats for apes that wouldn't clean the players' clocks. Fortunately, Hackmaster left a powerful weapon at my disposal, the ultimate weapon of the lame, the plot device that is to plot devices what Rush songs are to real music, the "it was all an illusion" bit.

Yeah, I suck. Cheer up. Nobody's forcing you to read this column, but I'm me 24/7. It's a rough life.

The players disbelieved in time to realize that they were the victims of an elaborate Loviatarian shell game and that their menagerie had become Central Casting's latest extras in a buffet sequence.

Right about then, Erich went a little crazy and began to think that hey, not only was Darth Vader Lawful Good, but his character, being Lawful Good, was also Darth Vader. 0-level NPCs and an illusionist have like no chance against furious PCs, so the first few cultists went quickly, falling as fodder to the furiously flashing blade of Erich.

Wow. That was a lot of alliteration, something I don't normally approve of. It's been a long week, though.

At any rate, a sort of Keystone Kops-esque fight sequence ensued as hapless cultists charged to their doom up a massive spiral staircase that oscillated out of the floor and towards the ceiling like something out of a bad H. Rider Haggard pastiche. When all seemed lost for the cultists, they revealed their secret allegiance to, of all deities, Lloth (the only one that sprang immediately to mind), and unleashed a plague of Driders upon the players, who destroyed one using the last few charges in Erich's wand and another with the potion miscibility table before beating feet out of the infested ziggurat and back to the town proper. In the process, Erich and Laura clambered up the EP ladder, each gaining a level, much to their mutual joy.

Tiny victory dances were danced.

It was eleven by this point, so we left off with a brief discussion of possibly running a Rifts mini-campaign, the awfulness of F.A.T.A.L. (and the glory of Darren MacLennan's 49-page review thereof), and the preponderance of mediocre superhero games.

I've never really run across a superhero game that I out-and-out loved; Champions 5th Edition reads like a bulkier Advanced Squad Leader; I couldn't begin to comprehend Godlike's arcane system but it still makes it on its merits as a superhero alternate history sourcebook); the MEGS in Underground, BoH, and the old DC RPG is wayyy too much for me; GURPS I love but it breaks at high power levels; the new Marvel game is way too little, too late; Erich loves Fuzion (and now you know who that guy bought the Fuzion champion rules was), and loathes WEG's D6 system (I retain a nostalgic fondness for it as an amazing introductory system), and Seth, improbably enough, loves the old AD&D engine. I suppose if I were feeling overly philosophical, I'd suggest that the reason superhero RPGs fail is because the try to explicitly state what we already know to be true: that the PCs are exceptional and out-of-the-ordinary.

Unless it's Bunnies and Burrows.

Hey, We Really Like The Ferret/Hedgehog Joke In The Forum, That Rocked:

Erich (about his upstairs neighbors): I swear, they wear clogs in the shower!
Seth: Maybe they're Dutch?

Ed: About that time, the ol' Duke boys suffered an alignment change.

Seth: Great. The babushka door.

Ed (dissing an escape plan): Congratulations. You just tried to fit through an elf-hole.

Laura (about Ed's Transformer shirt): If you turn it upside down, it's happy Galactus!

Erich: Prince is neither black nor white... Ed: But rather, a huge martini olive. We're not bigoted against martini olives, though.
Erich: Quite the contrary, in fact!

Ed (after a discussion of real-world railguns and their melon-destruction applications): Mega-damage life is melon-based.

Erich (on the SCA): I'd like a rattan arqebus.

Topics	Author	Date	Latest Reply
Thank you Ed (1) new	RL	03-22-2005 18:06	03-22-2005 18:06 new
Good Luck and God Bless (1) new	Walt C	03-17-2005 16:44	03-17-2005 16:44 new
FINISH IT! (7) new	[]D [] []\/[] []D	03-17-2005 16:21	03-30-2005 21:28 new
To a Good Bloke (1) new	Jethrow	03-16-2005 21:51	03-16-2005 21:51 new
To one of my favourite columnists (1) new	nihtgenga	03-16-2005 18:39	03-16-2005 18:39 new
Understand & Hope (1) new	Magickone	03-16-2005 10:39	03-16-2005 10:39 new
Good luck & best wishes. (12) new	Jonathan	03-15-2005 07:16	03-16-2005 07:22 new
... just like a real Catholic... (1) new	No2	02-22-2005 14:00	02-22-2005 14:00 new
...you already said that... (2) new	Ian Sokoliwski	02-22-2005 13:36	02-23-2005 06:20 new
A Machine in Search of a Mission (1) new	Ian Sokoliwski	02-14-2005 22:21	02-14-2005 22:21 new
Sorry Ed (36) new	Charlie Dunwoody	02-09-2005 12:59	02-01-2006 02:58 new
Sorry Ed (32) new	Charlie Dunwoody	02-09-2005 12:51	01-30-2006 23:37 new
A few (well lots of) remarks (13) new	Grop	02-09-2005 06:23	02-12-2005 05:22 new
Go to hell (25) new	Charlie Dunwoody	02-09-2005 04:36	04-28-2005 23:58 new
It's like school, only it's not ... (5) new	Ian Sokoliwski	02-08-2005 09:41	02-10-2005 08:50 new
V-day 'projects' (2) new	NotMousse	02-02-2005 01:38	02-02-2005 09:30 new
Let's help with column ideas :) (3) new	Ian Sokoliwski	02-01-2005 23:18	02-02-2005 09:27 new
'Huge Zombie Tank Farm' (6) new	Ian Sokoliwski	01-25-2005 18:42	01-27-2005 08:07 new
Meet the Characters! (1) new	Laura	01-19-2005 09:47	01-19-2005 09:47 new
Why so worked up about a good session? (4) new	Ryan	01-11-2005 13:00	01-12-2005 08:38 new

Hack For More

WEEK 18: 07/15/04

Hack For More

WEEK 18: 07/15/04

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Hack For More WEEK 18: 07/15/04 by Edward McEneely Jul 20,2004	Hack For More WEEK 18: 07/15/04 Today was long and exhausting, and we almost didn't game, but in the end: gaming! This owes more to the fact that Erich is a much better man than I, and didn't murder me for unconscionable rudeness early on in the evening. After many, many sidetracks, we got back to where we were, the dreaded Plane of the Apes. Somewhere over the weekend, I had realized that this idea was horribly, dreadfully lame. I haven't even SEEN the original movies (or the remake), so there was no way I could pull this off well. Plus, I had no stats for apes, or at least, no stats for apes that wouldn't clean the players' clocks. Fortunately, Hackmaster left a powerful weapon at my disposal, the ultimate weapon of the lame, the plot device that is to plot devices what Rush songs are to real music, the "it was all an illusion" bit. Yeah, I suck. Cheer up. Nobody's forcing you to read this column, but I'm me 24/7. It's a rough life. The players disbelieved in time to realize that they were the victims of an elaborate Loviatarian shell game and that their menagerie had become Central Casting's latest extras in a buffet sequence. Right about then, Erich went a little crazy and began to think that hey, not only was Darth Vader Lawful Good, but his character, being Lawful Good, was also Darth Vader. 0-level NPCs and an illusionist have like no chance against furious PCs, so the first few cultists went quickly, falling as fodder to the furiously flashing blade of Erich. Wow. That was a lot of alliteration, something I don't normally approve of. It's been a long week, though. At any rate, a sort of Keystone Kops-esque fight sequence ensued as hapless cultists charged to their doom up a massive spiral staircase that oscillated out of the floor and towards the ceiling like something out of a bad H. Rider Haggard pastiche. When all seemed lost for the cultists, they revealed their secret allegiance to, of all deities, Lloth (the only one that sprang immediately to mind), and unleashed a plague of Driders upon the players, who destroyed one using the last few charges in Erich's wand and another with the potion miscibility table before beating feet out of the infested ziggurat and back to the town proper. In the process, Erich and Laura clambered up the EP ladder, each gaining a level, much to their mutual joy. Tiny victory dances were danced. It was eleven by this point, so we left off with a brief discussion of possibly running a Rifts mini-campaign, the awfulness of F.A.T.A.L. (and the glory of Darren MacLennan's 49-page review thereof), and the preponderance of mediocre superhero games. I've never really run across a superhero game that I out-and-out loved; Champions 5th Edition reads like a bulkier Advanced Squad Leader; I couldn't begin to comprehend Godlike's arcane system but it still makes it on its merits as a superhero alternate history sourcebook); the MEGS in Underground, BoH, and the old DC RPG is wayyy too much for me; GURPS I love but it breaks at high power levels; the new Marvel game is way too little, too late; Erich loves Fuzion (and now you know who that guy bought the Fuzion champion rules was), and loathes WEG's D6 system (I retain a nostalgic fondness for it as an amazing introductory system), and Seth, improbably enough, loves the old AD&D engine. I suppose if I were feeling overly philosophical, I'd suggest that the reason superhero RPGs fail is because the try to explicitly state what we already know to be true: that the PCs are exceptional and out-of-the-ordinary. Unless it's Bunnies and Burrows. Hey, We Really Like The Ferret/Hedgehog Joke In The Forum, That Rocked: Erich (about his upstairs neighbors): I swear, they wear clogs in the shower! Seth: Maybe they're Dutch? Ed: About that time, the ol' Duke boys suffered an alignment change. Seth: Great. The babushka door. Ed (dissing an escape plan): Congratulations. You just tried to fit through an elf-hole. Laura (about Ed's Transformer shirt): If you turn it upside down, it's happy Galactus! Erich: Prince is neither black nor white... Ed: But rather, a huge martini olive. We're not bigoted against martini olives, though. Erich: Quite the contrary, in fact! Ed (after a discussion of real-world railguns and their melon-destruction applications): Mega-damage life is melon-based. Erich (on the SCA): I'd like a rattan arqebus.